This Blog is my story. In it I hope you find a glimpse of who I am. I hope you get to know, and understand where I have been in life and on the Allergy Free Journey, you'll hear me speak so much about. This blog is about how I live and how I adjust and how we as a family have begun to live life, rather than shelter ourselves from life. It captures our struggles, our fears, my hopes as a mother and a Gluten Intolerant woman. It reaches into a part of my life that is both personal, and public - whether I want it to be or not. It comes from my heart, and expresses the desire I have to make our lives one where allergies don't determine who we are, but where we show others how to be in control of what God gives us, whether it's trials or gifts.
I've always been someone who had a weaker immune system than others. While I never knew exactly why, or how that occurred, I just assumed it was the case for me and that it would be a lifelong adjustment I would have to make. I was born with multiple complications; my parents have always said it is a miracle that I lived past a few hours after my birth.
I later became one of the kids who was relatively healthy... but caught everything coming and going from the common cold, to the chicken pox, to strep (which was a treat yearly- arriving multiple times). Therefore, when I became incredibly tired my senior year of high school, and it never seemed to go away even into my Freshman college year, I didn't give it much thought.
Through a series of tests and because of an illness my body was trying to fight in 1998 I found out I had a virus called Epstein Barr Virus (EBV). That virus was one of the worst periods of my life; it was definitely the biggest battle I fought up until that point. I dealt with constant fatigue, weakness, headaches, loss of appetite, and drastic weight loss. I was forced to stay out of school, and not return to college for a semester. I fought the Dr, and my parents on this suggestion; all I wanted was to return to college and lead a "normal" life. That was not possible.
I believe this was the beginning of a turning point for me. I later returned to school, and worked a full time job, got married (more on him later, and throughout my posts) and eventually had a family (the reason for my blog, if you will).
The few short years prior to my marriage, I was healthy. I was strong. I was focused. I was who I thought I would likely never become. There were few bad days, and no illness in my life for well over two years. It was marvelous. Shortly after we married in 2004 the Lord blessed me with a pregnancy that was a total surprise and gift.
When I was pregnant with my first child, I had all kinds of illness and a lot of little things that added up to a general "not feeling good". I gave birth, naturally, to a beautiful darling girl who was and is amazing. Between her birth and my second pregnancy there were six months. During those six months, I was in agony. Everything I ate turned me into a person who felt as though her body was turning against her. I would sometimes sit and cry from the pain after a meal. Then, after multiple Dr. appointments, lab work of all kinds, and no answers; I walked into a Gastroenterologist office who had the cure and answer to everything.
Or so I thought.
His words to me were "You exhibit textbook symptoms of Chrons Disease. If you take the medicine I give you and you no longer experience the problems you are here for, then I'll want to see you in six months. Stop taking it if you become pregnant, and if it doesn't work in about three weeks, call me and we'll run tests".
More tests.
I took the medicine, and went home, hoping and praying it would make the pain and the problems stop. Surely, if I was "text book" to a specialist, he knew what he was talking about. When I began the medicine I saw some symptoms clear up in about a week. Two weeks into my medicine I found out we were going to have another beautiful child! I quit the medicine, and made sure that no matter how agonizing, I would eat the balanced diet a pregnancy required. I would eat my raw veggies, and my iron, my fiber, and as many whole grains as I could.
My body revolted.
Then the pregnancy took a turn for the worse. I began experiencing pre-term labor and incredibly severe migraines that lasted for days on end. I was placed on bedrest. There was no time to worry about whole grains, and leafy greens. I needed to focus on maintaining my healthiest self and be as stress free as possible. Thankfully I had my daughter, at 37 weeks, to the day. She was and is a beam of sunshine!
Once my second child was born, I lost all my baby weight, and began a "new life". I felt good and was told constantly how I looked good. I was tired and slow healing, but excited and hopeful that I would be able to return to a normal diet, and a normal life.
That didn't happen.
In the months following the birth of my darling, she nursed as much as she could, leaving me exhausted and wondering why I couldn't keep up with her. I would lay in bed, let her nurse and literally watch the room spin around us. There were times my husband would come in to see me exhausted, and watch me become sad and confused about why I couldn't handle the demand. I produced more than enough milk, but I couldn't focus, I was tired, and I couldn't stand for prolonged amounts of time because of the weakness. Through his gentle prodding I stopped exclusively nursing my daughter and began trying to re-gain a healthy lifestyle. It was only weeks after we began supplementing with some formula I began having the same agony after every meal that I had experienced prior to her pregnancy. I found myself still feeling bad, even though my nursing sessions were fewer, and shorter. Surely it was the Chrons, and this time it was worse than ever.
Two years later, I still was in pain and I had no idea what to do. I didn't want to use medicine long term, but I didn't want to live in a way that deprived me of food and enjoyment in life. I felt trapped. Either way, I was hurting. I would eat and be ill immediately, or I would not eat and lament the fact that food pained me. When I didn't eat, I was tired and couldn't concentrate. It was a frustrating time in my life.
I became pregnant again. This was our planned daughter. I was healthy, I was fit and I was able to work on trying to find a solution to what my body was doing when I would eat. Moreover, I was determined that this pregnancy and this birth would be different. I was making plans for a home birth and I had an OB that was monitoring me until everything was finalized with the midwife. I wanted a VBAC and I wanted to again embrace the great joy of having a baby naturally. I had taken good care of my body and the tender child I carried was strong. There were no complications...
...until I reached my 36th week.
Then the complications came like a downpour. I was crushed. I was terrified. The Dr's were uncertain of my future. I determined my precious baby and I were going to make it through this. We did. By Gods grace, we made it through: I delivered a gorgeous, healthy strong daughter via a second c-section. She kept me awake and alive when my body began to crash on the table as a result of the anesthesia. A miracle occured that day.
Something inside me clicked when I came home with my baby. There was a sense of urgency, and a need to find why my body was not responding like it should to the things that should have been its very life supply. I read everything I could find on Chrons, IBS, Thyroid conditions and any other random assortment of diseases I had been tested for.
The day came when I knew something was drastically wrong within myself. My body was doing things it should not have been doing. My body was fighting me, and every effort I made to make it better just made it worse. I sought medical help and went through another battery of tests. I was checked for cancer, thyroid, IBS, menopause, other hormonal imbalances and pregnancy. Each test returned revealing that I was perfectly healthy. Each negative test result left me saddened and confused. I knew something was wrong, I knew my body was "betraying me", and I knew that I was the only hope for finding an answer.
With the knowledge that I was finished having any more children biologically, I decided to delve into anything I could find that would give me an answer. I was now one year out from having my daughter and even though I initally lost all of my "baby weight", I now found myself gaining weight more and more. I was heavier than ever (aside from my first pregnancy), and I knew something was drastically wrong. No matter how much I ate correctly and exercised, the weight stayed and I was sick.
There came a point where I ate one meal a day and that was mostly bread and eggs. Then I would get sick. I would be tired, and feel disconnected, and become irritable, and finally would end up with a headache for days. This cycle continued for months. Feeling more tired, and lost than ever, I decided that if the Drs couldn't find an answer, and I couldn't find an answer, then there must be no answer. I remember thinking "It must just be that I have a hard time keeping up with three kids, and a house". I felt overwhelmed, and inadequate. I was tired.
So incredibly tired.
One night two weeks later I was in bed and it was late after my husband and children were sleeping. I was reading one of my magazines that I stash for my quiet time. Ladies, you know the kind: they have one or two useful articles, but the rest is a few coupons, hair suggestions, some makeup tips and a dose of funny stories.
That magazine saved my life! I read an article about a woman who experienced lethargy, weight gain, mood swings, exhaustion, heat flashes, brain fog, migraines, and horrific flu like symptoms every time she ate. She wrote about how she had been tested for Celiac Disease but it came back negative, and how her Dr. advised she was a Chrons sufferer. He told her to change her diet, and prescribed medicine. She went on later to discuss how changing her diet made the biggest change in her life. Instead of the diet the Dr. suggested she went Gluten free on a whim. She discovered she was Gluten Intolerant. When I read the article, it was as if I read my story from the last few years. I woke my husband and declared that I had decided gluten free beat the alternative, and thought I'd give it a whirl. He was supportive. The next morning I began my quest of figuring out what contained gluten.
I honestly had no idea if it would work. I just knew something had to change, my family was being short-changed, and I lived life in bed, on the sofa, or in a fog.
Finally! Something did change. ME!
I got my old life back, the one where I ran and played sports. The one where I loved going outside, and working out in the gym. The life where I ate steaks, salads, eggs, and anything I desired, without becoming ill. The life where I could communicate and focus clearly because the "brain-fog" was gone became normal! I lost all my excess weight, and became a healthy, vibrant, person who enjoys life!
My husband says he got his old best friend and girlfriend back.
My children met the mother they never knew.
My friends tell me all the time they see a difference.
I just feel alive!
There is no other way to phrase it. I feel like I can enjoy life and I can experience it from the same vantage point everyone else can. I no longer have questions and wonder if I'm really feeling this bad. I DID feel that bad, I WAS that sick. I AM Gluten Intolerant. There will be no more gluten for this girl.
I am gluten free as can be, and loving life in a new way: fully loving it!
In my blog, I want you to learn that you're not alone. I felt alone. Making the changes you have to in order to go from a mainstream lifestyle to an allergy free lifestyle is difficult. Every now and then I'll somehow get cross contaminated and be ill for days on end. Each time all I can think is "WOW! Is this how I lived for years?"
I'm elated that lifestyle is behind me. I'm so happy I made the change. I know you will be too!
